i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
