I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
