i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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