This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize
