I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
