Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
