I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
is it fun? or sober?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
