Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
