Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Someone came in the potted fern
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
