There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
