Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
