We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
