Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
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