My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
