girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
