I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The adults are the big ones right?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
