they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
