He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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