my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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