I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
