I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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