Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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