Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
