how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
