i wish semen tasted like chocolate
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Can you bring me the toilet please
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
