I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
