Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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