The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
