Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
