Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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