pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
