Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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