He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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