I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
