2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
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