She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
