I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
