she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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