I feel like I'm in dance class right now
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i've created a new STD.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
