garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
