Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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