it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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