I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
