so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
