If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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