you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You left your phone here
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