You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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