I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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