i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
