I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
