dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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