wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
