Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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