I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
