Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
