I just saw a hot homeless man
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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